"I believe in the Holy Spirit, Who proceeds from the Father"—nothing too shocking there. But the phrase that appeared near the end of the first millennium—"and the Son"—has been a source of tension among Eastern Christians ever since. Though a recent joint document by Catholic and Orthodox theologians seemed to have begun to close the issue for good, a theological quandary has now spilled out into the streets.
The fringe group Eastern Catholics Against the Pope (ECAP) stated that they'd had enough of "the Western blasphemy," as they call it. "The Lover of Mankind told us that he who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit can never be forgiven," explained ECAP spokesman Andrei Tochivikov. "So must we not strike down the blasphemers with a double-edged sword? For this is the glory of all the saints."
Thankfully, when an enflamed band of ECAP members stormed towards the Svjatj Marije, seat of the Byzantine Catholic Metropolia of Bogoroditsa, outside Paw Paw, WV, they came not with swords (or even plowshares), but with fireworks. Seemingly endless volleys of mortars began to cover the square in front of the Svjatj Marije, frightening many of the faithful away from their weekly All-Night Vigil.
The attack was not one-sided for long, though: a recently-formed group who call themselves "Chrysostom's Papists," took up the defense of Bogoroditsa's cathedral, returning ECAP's fire with the blasts of Roman Candles. "We will defend the papal truth!" sung Cantor Sean Kirill in Tone 3 to his comrades. "The Holy Father, blessed of the Theotokos"—he interestingly switched to Tone 2 for these words—"calls us to proclaim the truth of Spirit's proceeding!" Any later melodies were drowned out by the growing battle, which is continuing now, singeing beards on the ECAP side and tonsured heads on Chrysostom's.
Orthodox Bishop Joseph of Cranberry, PA, across the state border from Bogoroditsa, condemned the conflict as "a sign of the division which has never been present in the Orthodox Church." "But," he admitted, "I admire their zeal for truth." His Grace declined to clarify whose truth, leading to speculation of his entering communion with Rome.
Further conflict between ECAP and the Papists will be promptly reported by Tone Nine News, once our team returns from their holy war of fireworks.
The fringe group Eastern Catholics Against the Pope (ECAP) stated that they'd had enough of "the Western blasphemy," as they call it. "The Lover of Mankind told us that he who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit can never be forgiven," explained ECAP spokesman Andrei Tochivikov. "So must we not strike down the blasphemers with a double-edged sword? For this is the glory of all the saints."
Thankfully, when an enflamed band of ECAP members stormed towards the Svjatj Marije, seat of the Byzantine Catholic Metropolia of Bogoroditsa, outside Paw Paw, WV, they came not with swords (or even plowshares), but with fireworks. Seemingly endless volleys of mortars began to cover the square in front of the Svjatj Marije, frightening many of the faithful away from their weekly All-Night Vigil.
The attack was not one-sided for long, though: a recently-formed group who call themselves "Chrysostom's Papists," took up the defense of Bogoroditsa's cathedral, returning ECAP's fire with the blasts of Roman Candles. "We will defend the papal truth!" sung Cantor Sean Kirill in Tone 3 to his comrades. "The Holy Father, blessed of the Theotokos"—he interestingly switched to Tone 2 for these words—"calls us to proclaim the truth of Spirit's proceeding!" Any later melodies were drowned out by the growing battle, which is continuing now, singeing beards on the ECAP side and tonsured heads on Chrysostom's.
Orthodox Bishop Joseph of Cranberry, PA, across the state border from Bogoroditsa, condemned the conflict as "a sign of the division which has never been present in the Orthodox Church." "But," he admitted, "I admire their zeal for truth." His Grace declined to clarify whose truth, leading to speculation of his entering communion with Rome.
Further conflict between ECAP and the Papists will be promptly reported by Tone Nine News, once our team returns from their holy war of fireworks.
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