For centuries the debate as continued between the Slavs and the Greeks: should any oil be allowed on the strictest of fast days? The conflict has always been portrayed as a debate over the best ascetical practices, with no heaven-or-hell effect on one's soul, as indeed it has always been understood...until now.
Protoreader Theodore Anathayich, Professor of Ancient Theology at St. Methuselah's Metropolitan College in Teatree, WV, has revealed startling new evidence that escalates the debate dramatically. In his lofty, papyrus-drowned personal library at the College, Tone Nine News met with the long-bearded researcher. As preposterously-sized dust mites strove (and succeeded) to block out the light from the pinpoint windows, the Protoreader expounded at length on his discoveries.
"In the time of the most holy, glorious, illustrious, and prime Apostles to the Bulgarians, the Greatmartyrs Donatar and Uksena, Bearers of the Constantinian Faith, when His Clemency, Emperor Auctatian, ruled with his mother, the Empress Justa, when Ancianos was Pope of Old Rome, Horatios was Patriarch of New Rome, Teendros was Pope of Alexandria, John XII was Patriarch of Antioch...[the Professor's speech has been edited for length]...and Vlad was Porter of the Shrine of the Virgin Angara in Moravia, the Great Lost Synod of Târgi Lăpșu in Romania was convened by His Grace Comenari, Bishop of Târgi Lăpșu. 'We, the humble servants of our Lord Jesus Christ, Who said "When the Bridegroom is away, then the guests do fast,"'—and I read only the relevant section of the Decrees, for your sake—'do solemnly declare, in communion with the 150 Holy and Venerable Fathers of the Synod of Nicea, who proclaimed, "We believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, of all things visible and invisible..."'—I again extract only the essentials—'and the 17 Holy and Venerable Fathers of the Synod of Cyprus, who declared that Metropolitans who do not wear the engolpion shall never see the face of God, that the drinking of oil shall not occur on the days of fasting; and to any who drinks of oil, even that not of the olive, on such days, or who says that such drinking is not specifically deemed wicked by our Lord in His Holy Scripture, or who says that it is a matter of oikonomia, let him be anathema!' So declared the venerable synod of Târgi Lăpșu, and so must we live today."
After we removed the glaze from our eyes and regained our attention, we asked the Protoreader what authority a local synod in Romania so many centuries ago would have for Christians in America today. He responded, "Tradition, our tradition, is one tradition, and ever shall it be upheld! 'He who claims to divide the greater from the lesser traditions, let him be anathema!,' ordered the Synod of Musk. And..." We paused the Protoreader's much-informed speech to confirm his answer, and he again responded,"'Just as the minor prophets are as holy as Isaiah, so are all the various traditions of the churches as holy as the Mysteries given us by Christ," stated that holy synod." When we asked whether there may be a hierarchy of truths and a multitude of traditions, anathemas flew from his learned lips faster than our pens could record. Such anathemas increased in velocity when we questioned him on the holiness of the Latin traditions.
As our word limit approaches, then, we summarize Professor Anathayich's discourse thus: an obscure local synod anathematized those who drink any oil on the strict fast days. Tone Nine News will continue to cover this story, though, by interviewing other theologians in the future for their take on this development. We will end with just one last word from the Protoreader, which he says summarizes all of Byzantine Catholic theology:
"He who despises any traditions of any of the Fathers, let him be anathema!"
Protoreader Theodore Anathayich, Professor of Ancient Theology at St. Methuselah's Metropolitan College in Teatree, WV, has revealed startling new evidence that escalates the debate dramatically. In his lofty, papyrus-drowned personal library at the College, Tone Nine News met with the long-bearded researcher. As preposterously-sized dust mites strove (and succeeded) to block out the light from the pinpoint windows, the Protoreader expounded at length on his discoveries.
"In the time of the most holy, glorious, illustrious, and prime Apostles to the Bulgarians, the Greatmartyrs Donatar and Uksena, Bearers of the Constantinian Faith, when His Clemency, Emperor Auctatian, ruled with his mother, the Empress Justa, when Ancianos was Pope of Old Rome, Horatios was Patriarch of New Rome, Teendros was Pope of Alexandria, John XII was Patriarch of Antioch...[the Professor's speech has been edited for length]...and Vlad was Porter of the Shrine of the Virgin Angara in Moravia, the Great Lost Synod of Târgi Lăpșu in Romania was convened by His Grace Comenari, Bishop of Târgi Lăpșu. 'We, the humble servants of our Lord Jesus Christ, Who said "When the Bridegroom is away, then the guests do fast,"'—and I read only the relevant section of the Decrees, for your sake—'do solemnly declare, in communion with the 150 Holy and Venerable Fathers of the Synod of Nicea, who proclaimed, "We believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, of all things visible and invisible..."'—I again extract only the essentials—'and the 17 Holy and Venerable Fathers of the Synod of Cyprus, who declared that Metropolitans who do not wear the engolpion shall never see the face of God, that the drinking of oil shall not occur on the days of fasting; and to any who drinks of oil, even that not of the olive, on such days, or who says that such drinking is not specifically deemed wicked by our Lord in His Holy Scripture, or who says that it is a matter of oikonomia, let him be anathema!' So declared the venerable synod of Târgi Lăpșu, and so must we live today."
After we removed the glaze from our eyes and regained our attention, we asked the Protoreader what authority a local synod in Romania so many centuries ago would have for Christians in America today. He responded, "Tradition, our tradition, is one tradition, and ever shall it be upheld! 'He who claims to divide the greater from the lesser traditions, let him be anathema!,' ordered the Synod of Musk. And..." We paused the Protoreader's much-informed speech to confirm his answer, and he again responded,"'Just as the minor prophets are as holy as Isaiah, so are all the various traditions of the churches as holy as the Mysteries given us by Christ," stated that holy synod." When we asked whether there may be a hierarchy of truths and a multitude of traditions, anathemas flew from his learned lips faster than our pens could record. Such anathemas increased in velocity when we questioned him on the holiness of the Latin traditions.
As our word limit approaches, then, we summarize Professor Anathayich's discourse thus: an obscure local synod anathematized those who drink any oil on the strict fast days. Tone Nine News will continue to cover this story, though, by interviewing other theologians in the future for their take on this development. We will end with just one last word from the Protoreader, which he says summarizes all of Byzantine Catholic theology:
"He who despises any traditions of any of the Fathers, let him be anathema!"
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